Daftinitions

~ Advertising: The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it

~ Allege: A rocky platform on a mountain

~ Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's

~ Arson: Our daughter's brother

~ Autobiography: A history of cars

~ Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do

~ Backward: Patient rooms at the rear of a hospital

~ Baloney: Where some hemlines fall

~ Bassinet: What every fisherman wants

~ Belong: To take your time

~ Bernadette: The act of torching a mortgage

~ Book: A utensil used to pass time while waiting for the computer repairman

~ Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think

~ Budget: A method for going broke methodically

~ Bureaucracy: A method of turning energy into solid waste

~ Burglarize: What a crook sees with

~ Carpet: A dog that enjoys riding in an automobile

~ Circular Definition: See Definition, Circular

~ Coffee: Break fluid

~ Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage

~ Condescend: A prisoner escaping down the wall using a rope

~ Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

~ Deduce: De lowest card in de deck

~ Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch

~ Diplomacy: The art of letting other people have your own way

~ Document: Repeating what your doctor told you in your own words

~ Dogma: A mother dog

~ Earthquake: A topographical error

~ Eclipse: What a gardener does to your hedge

~ Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist

~ Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers

~ Falsehood: Someone who pretends to be a gangster

~ Feast: An eat wave

~ Fission: What Huck Finn did when he played hookey

~ Flattery: Phony express

~ Geezer:  Formerly known as studmuffin

~ Geometry: What the acorn said when it grew up

~ Grateful: What it takes to build a good fire

~ Ground beef: A cow with no legs

~ Handicap: A ready-to-use hat

~ Hanging: A suspended sentence

~ Hari-Kari: Transporting a wig

~ Heroes: What a guy in a boat does

~ Hunger: What the posse did to the lady rustler

~ Hypochondriac: A guy who won't let well enough alone

~ Hypothesis: What a boy says to his father on the telephone

~ Indecision: Under the whether